@Trizek (WMF) and KStoller-WMF: have you considered creating additional content options for the newcomer homepage?
At some point (certain edit count and/or account age) a newcomer doesn't need suggested edits, mentoring or the help panel any longer.
But the homepage could still be useful for former newbies, if it were possible to display different content, e.g. current requests for comment, requests for adminship or other information which enables users to participate at important discussions.